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[00:04:30] This is something that I wrote. In honor of, um, all our friends that have passed away, okay. Today you have called my name. And in spirit, here I am. I am one of many in a sea of stars. Rekindle my spirit with your words of [00:05:00] remembrance. That I may be, but for a moment, present in the minds of those that I once knew. Then set me free. Let me fly to the great beyond until I am once again called to mind. Let me return refreshed and ever more youthful than the last time you called my name. [00:05:30] For the bonds of friendship may we never forget. In the name of love, lead us always from the impact. Cura. [00:07:30] Oh, I was a volunteer at Aina through the most of the 1990s. It was a huge learning curve for me and some very precious memories of the things that happened that I attended or became involved in or learned. [00:08:00] The first one I want to talk about is my first candlelight memorial, 1991. Parliament grounds, dark, scary actually, and the speeches. Dr. Hettie Rodenberg saying there's a cure for AIDS, that's love, because love takes [00:08:30] away the fear. Tom O'Donoghue, they called him Rangatira in the community. Saying, I am a gay man and I'm HIV positive. I'd never heard anyone saying that before, ever. Let alone in front of an audience of, I don't know, 500, 1000, a lot of people. And then, [00:09:00] up the main driveway of Parliament, and down the steps from behind the General Assembly Library, came this. Astonishing spectacle. Two processions of people with flaming torches. Now they, sticks this long and flames that long. It was spine tingling and it was a [00:09:30] real medieval spectacle. And these people stood in a circle on the forecourt of parliament. And the 179 names of people who had died in New Zealand at that point were read out. And then towards the end of that part of the ceremony, the bells at St. Paul's Cathedral [00:10:00] told there was a choir singing Grant US peace. And then there were the fireworks. The great stars of celebration and hope. So it was just an amazing experience for me of a community, truth speaking, at the time when truth speaking had its significant hazards. [00:14:00] When I came out to my mother nearly 26 years ago, something like that, the very first words she said to me, and she's a lovely and understanding and supportive woman, were, don't get AIDS. And I think at that time, in the late 80s, early 90s, that was, that The message that a lot of young men coming out would have got from their parents. And I think now about the stigma that was attached [00:14:30] then and now to HIV and AIDS. And there was a, uh, there's a series of stories on the New Zealand AIDS Foundation website about people living with HIV. And one of the, one of the people in there talks about dusting off the cobwebs of 30 years of stigma. And I think the time is now right to do that. We never forget those people who lost their lives. The people who were our heroes, who were our friends, who were the people who [00:15:00] faced an incredible disease at a time when we didn't understand it. We never forget them, we mourn their loss and we remember them every day. But we also live today. We live today in a world where the stigma might kill more than the virus. So let's make the thing that we take away. that we must end the stigma. We must say that living with HIV is a chronic illness. It's something that requires management, support, [00:15:30] access to resources. But it's also a life. A good life. A life that we can support. So let's get rid of the stigma after 30 years. Celebrate the community that we are today. Support positive people who are all around us and remember those who've gone before. Kia kaha.[00:16:00] Whiti ora ki te whaiao, ki te o mana pā Whiti ki roha, whiti ki raro E nunu ki te poatu, e nunu ki te rākou Tītaha ki tēnei tāra Tītaha ki tēnei tāra [00:16:30] Tihe mai ora Whiti ola ku te wai o Ki te o mana o Whiti ki lunga, whiti ki lalo E nunu ki te poatu, e nunu ki [00:17:00] te rakau Ti taha ki te reta Ti taha ki te rata Ti he muri ora[00:17:30] Um, my name's Cal. I've been living with HIV for 13 years, 10 of which were not much fun, but the last three. I've been helped to a healthier, happier place where I've found true friends and loved ones and guides, many of whom I see here today. Um, a lot has changed since our people were [00:18:00] struggling and dying of HIV and AIDS. For some of us, it seems not so long ago. And I'm grateful for your experience, and I respect your resilience. For those like me, it seems so long ago, so far removed from our present time, where there was no news of AIDS in our sheltered land. But, it is still a major life event for those of us who are [00:18:30] infected. I know a lot of people don't like that word. Um, and it's a killer for an unlucky few of us in New Zealand. You know, some of us, some of our Kiwi women, who have lived without risk, and are therefore not at risk, are too often not tested until they are sick. Yeah, and we have lost some, some woman. Of course, [00:19:00] as someone who has been a gay man, and has transitioned, and been a sex worker, I was certainly at risk. When I was diagnosed seven years ago, I was ignorant of the reality our forebearers fought for. I was, um, Ignorant of the combination therapy that can now reverse the effects of HIV and the reality that we who are positive and [00:19:30] aware of our health needs stand to live as long, if not longer, than those who choose to be ignorant of the costs of modern food and modern lifestyles. That we who are stably medicated are not infectious. We can't pass on HIV and, you know, and it's good for me to know that I no longer have what I termed as poisonous blood. We, we are [00:20:00] aware of our body's needs, you know, therefore we can live long productive lives. But my ignorance at the point of diagnosis led me to disbelieve the specialists. My self loathing of my dress choice and my sexual predilection led me to believe that I was cursed and I was doomed and I was gonna die. I felt I deserved the fate [00:20:30] that was stealing my energy, wasting my muscles and corroding my skin. As the early effects of HIV became apparent, I began to give up on life and I began to drink a lot more and eat a lot less and, you know, smoke too much as well. In hindsight, I got a taste of what it was like for our honoured dead. [00:21:00] You know, um, mine was a bit psychosomatic, it wasn't actually real but, but I withered and despaired. Those days of letting HIV affect the victim before treatment are now over. So no others will get sick and suffer the guilt and shame of looking like they have AIDS. You know, I lost, I lost 13 kilos, um, I had trench mouth, I had [00:21:30] trench foot. Um, and all my fillings fell out, so. But in reality, due to HIV, I have learned to survive, and I have grown to thrive. Through the wisdom hard learned by our forebearers, I have become stronger than I was as a negative person. Through the support of our HIV networks, I have overcome [00:22:00] my self hatred and destruction. I have become open about what was my killer secret, a secret that I kept from my family for five years. I kept from everybody, my friends, family and all. So, here I am, standing up publicly to say, HIV is still here, our rates of infection are still high. And the ignorance of the many is still creating stigma for the brave few of [00:22:30] us who love our people enough to stand up and be HIV positive. So now, instead of hiding in the dark, away from memories, from public scrutiny, and the judgement of my peers, I am standing up to the stigma and discrimination that has lent AIDS, HIV AIDS, the hidden status. that it has now to creep once more among our people. [00:23:00] I'm no longer the sick sheep hiding in the shadows. I'm a proud woman sharing my light, loving my people, laughing and living with my friends, living the life I almost gave up on to the fullest of all my heart, being strong for those who come after us. And honoring those who [00:23:30] came before us. Thank you all for listening. [00:27:00] Kia koutou mā, hoke atu rā, hoke atu rā, hoke atu rā. And so we greet once more those who we have called into our presence [00:27:30] this evening. And our greetings have been complete. The tears have flowed. And the farewells Are now being given once more. And so we bid you all to return, to return beyond the veil, to that place where you reside the true home of the source of [00:28:00] all things at the side of your many friends and your ancestors and your relations. And we bid you that. You stay there this day and this night. In peace and rest[00:28:30] and to all of us. Who have survived their passing and continues to be here. Greetings once, twice, and three times to us all. Kia ora tatou.[00:29:00] It's all my time, it's all my time, away. It's all my time, it's all my time, away.
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